


weightless

by radholladay



Series: All Time Low Songs [3]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), All Time Low
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, Death, Depression, Luke - Freeform, Luke Hemmings - Freeform, Other, Suicide, all time low - Freeform, hemmings, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 08:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2765879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radholladay/pseuds/radholladay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because"</p>
            </blockquote>





	weightless

Perfection was an understatement for you. Everything about you made me wonder - had an angel sent you from heaven to potentially ruin my life? Had someone so long ago wept tears that were soon to become the everlasting sparkle in your eyes? And where did that sparkle of life, that glimpse of hope, go?

Many times had you told me all of my questions about you were lies. You were no angel for they were too beautiful to relate to you. No sparkle was in your eyes - only those with hope could have that. Life had never been your strong suit - you tried to leave the grasps of humanity too many times to count. You wanted to be weightless - and that’s all you needed for life.

I never understood what it was like to physically need someone. Never felt that ache in my chest that could be cured by no medicine - but only the touch of someone special. These things had never played the slightest role in my life, until you had left. You were gone and the memories were everlasting.

Do you remember the time I found you passed out on the bathroom floor - and you told me you had fallen asleep? Turns out you weren’t eating, and I hadn’t noticed. Once the doctor told me all the signs - it was so obvious. You had no energy anymore - getting out of bed was a struggle for you. Your once beautiful skin turned as pale as snow. Your veins so blue, I wasn’t sure you were human. You never enjoyed much anymore - you’d just lock yourself in the bathroom and cry for hours. But still, I had no idea what was going on in your mind.

Do you remember the time where I found you staring at your own arm; tracing lines horizontally and vertically up and down your arms? When you saw me staring you just started crying - telling me to leave; no, BEGGING me to leave. But I didn’t - I stayed. Unlike the many who found out your darkest secrets - I stayed. I tried to get you to tell me what happened - why these marks were on your fragile skin. But you told me I wouldn’t “understand.” You didn’t know I would understand, since I had the same markings on my skin.

Do you remember last Friday? You told me you were alright now - you were feeling better. I had no reason not to trust you - so I did. And that had been my fault - I loved you so much, and I WANTED to believe you were better. But you hadn’t mentioned that you were surviving on little food and my love for you. We had a small argument, I had found new marks on your skin - even though you had told me you were past all the pain and suffering. You told me to leave - you were so angry. And to my mistake - I left. After all the times I promised I wouldn’t leave; no matter what happened.

When I got the news that you were gone - I knew what had happened. There was this bridge that you adored during this time of the year. You had told me that you love the way the sun glistened on the surface of the flowing water. But I, I loved the way the sun reflected off the water into the center of your eyes, leaving a sort of rainbow of colour on your always dull eyes. You always wanted me to hold you close to the edge, leaving trails of kisses along your slender neck. The bridge had reminded me of my love for you; I was always crossing the impossible for you. Every time we passed that bridge, you’d get so silent - and then you would say the most haunting thing you could say, “One day, that bridge will break - and I will go with it.”

And that’s what you did, the bridge between our world and your humanity had been broken - washed away with the tides of the river below our feet. The call came in at 7:49 PM, which had been the time of our very first date. Ironic, isn’t it? How a love can flourish the same way it began to deteriorate. I soon began to miss you physically, I felt that ache in my chest that no medications could fix - soon I began to crave your touch like a drug addict craves their high. And with that; I slowly began to become weightless.

I now understand fully, why you wanted to be weightless. It’s that feeling no other lover can give you. The feeling of being nothing; the feeling of not being. I understand those marks upon your fragile skin - even more so now. It’s such a shame that they had to be covered up for your funeral - no one wanted to see the pain such a beauty went through to live inside her head every day. Now that struggle you were living, is raging inside my very soul. I despise the day where I can’t wake up feeling your touch, where I can’t wake up to see the crack of your smile as I tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, and most importantly, where I can’t feel your love anymore. Perhaps I’ve lost the ability to feel love, or to give love, or perhaps I’m just drowning myself in the past.

The lies that were your own; are soon to be mine. There is no life in my eyes, I can see it no longer. That life was washed away with the sanity I had managed to keep alive. I tried to move on to other girls, but I found myself falling into bed with girls who meant nothing to me other than someone to put my pain upon. Sadly, every time I woke up next to them something inside me died, like a part of my heart was slowly breaking into pieces. I never knew how dependent someone could be on someone for their happiness, until you came into my life - and left with the cold rivers.

 

You may see me on the news occasionally, your death is still a mystery. How they found this as “mystery” goes over my knowledge. I had a solid alibi, I was in a hotel room - they even have video proof of me being in there. But they knew how dependent you were on me; and they assumed that I was the one being abusive to you. They assumed I was the reason for all the scars and weight loss. They assumed I was your own personal monster; when that monster was you all along. You may realize that I’m not the weightless one, I’m the one with nothing left. I’m the one who you left and broke. But listen here, I’ve honestly been going crazy - and I just don’t want to waste another minute here without your love. I’m so sick of watching the minutes pass while I go no where with my life, without you.


End file.
